Squats, sweat: The untold gym affairs and scandals
Whispers in the locker room, the stolen glances in the mirrors and a whole soap opera of drama; that is how best I could describe the gym.
It is a tale as old as time or at least as old as the rise of fitness gurus. You thought she was just focusing on her health, but little did you know, she was also focusing on Kevin’s biceps. It starts with one innocent gym session. She is tired of asking you to join and work out, so she takes matters into her own hands.
The next thing you know, she’s talking about buying Gymshark leggings, and she’s suddenly got a gym partner. And guess what? That gym partner is not some Instagram model called Mercy. It is Kevin who deadlifts three times his body weight. He is so supportive and a really good motivator. Get a notebook and some coffee or whatever your poison is because I am about to tell you the untold affairs of the gym, and trust me, the treadmill is not the only thing running in there.
The gym crush
Everyone has one. That one person who makes you re-rack weights properly and fix your form. You suddenly remember to stretch for 10 minutes when they walk in, pretending to be super disciplined. Sometimes, you do not know their name, but somehow, you know their workout split, their preferred squat rack, and what times they usually show up. You plan your workouts around their schedule, pretending it’s a coincidence when you both reach for the same dumbbell. You have imagined your entire future together, yet the only words you have ever exchanged are, “Are you still using this?”. Bonus points if you have ever accidentally taken the machine next to them while pretending not to notice.
The gym player
This guy is a staple in every gym, and every gym babe hates to see him coming. He flirts with every Mercy and Sarah, would not mind a Trizzah, and has a Samantha on standby
Anyone who breathes within a 10m radius is not spared. He is charming, offers to ‘help’ adjust your form, and somehow knows every girl’s name. If you think you are special, wait till you see him doing the same thing with three other people next week.
The one who fell for the gym trainer
It started small, she suddenly became extra dedicated to the gym. She went from her regular three-day routine to squeezing in extra sessions at odd hours, early mornings – gym rats call it fasted cardio and a newfound obsession with weightlifting. You even hyped her up, telling her how proud you were.
The gym wardrobe upgrade was the first red flag. Out went the loose joggers and basic T-shirts. Suddenly, your girl was decked out in skin-tight Gymshark biker shorts, leggings that fit like gloves, and cropped tops that showed just enough to make you uncomfortable.
Self-appointed trainer
No gym is complete without the unsolicited fitness guru who gives advice no one asked for. He will correct your form, even when it is perfect. As a gym rat, this usually irks me. They always have this unsolicited advice on how you should work out, eat and the best workouts to do, even when you did not ask. They lurk around the free weights section, trying to spot a clueless gym babe. What makes it even more frustrating is that these guys rarely approach other men with the same energy. It’s almost always women who become their clients, whether they want to or not. The unsolicited advice isn’t really about fitness; it is a thinly veiled attempt to start a conversation, get attention, or worse, they are eyeing the holy grail.
Gym wifey and hubby
This vexes everyone; imagine the distraction. Somewhere between machines and dumbbells, the gym couple have turned the squat rack into a love nest. Spotting each other turns into unnecessary touching, whispered sweet nothings between sets, and giggling during planks. They warm up together, spot each other, and even share protein shakes like a real couple. More often than not, they are either committed to other people or fully married. Their bond is undeniable; Romeo and Juliet have nothing on them. Everyone assumes they are an item until one of them posts their actual partner on social media.
The mirror seductress
My gym is like a social jungle! You have got the mirror-checkers who do one set of squats and immediately rush to admire their progress. Then there are the sneaky scouts, casually scanning the gym for their crush while pretending to stretch. The show-offs? They are in full force, flexing, taking gym selfies, and making sure their Instagram knows they never skip leg day. And let us not forget the flirts, turning the weight rack into a dating scene. Gym mirrors are like Tinder, except the swiping happens with glances instead of fingers.
Silent relationships and breakups
It is a given rule that you do not mix fitness and pleasure, and that is why a very disciplined and intentional person would tell you dating someone from the same gym is a recipe for disaster and very scandalous. Some keep it low-key, sneaking glances when they think no one is watching. They move in sync, share workout routines, and post those perfectly lit post-gym selfies. But then, something happens. She is now training with her headphones on while he is aggressively pushing the bench press, fueled by something unspoken. No words were exchanged, but just like their romance, we feel the breakup.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are purely my own. This piece is not intended to discredit or judge anyone’s fitness journey. It is written purely for fun and entertainment.
