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Why some women are choosing to pay their own dowries
09th April, 2026 09:23 AM
Women, particularly Millennials and Gen Z, are leading discussions throughout Kenya by modernising tradition and courageously choosing to pay for their own dowries.
What was once considered a family responsibility is now increasingly becoming a personal choice, reflecting changing attitudes about independence, equality, and modern marriage.
The groom’s family traditionally pays the dowry, often referred to as the ‘bride price’, to the bride’s family. Today, though, some women are making contributions or even paying for everything themselves.
Here are some of the possible reasons behind this growing trend.
- Financial independence
Many Kenyan women now run businesses, work in professional roles, or hold well-paying jobs, giving them the means to participate directly in dowry payments.
- Equality in marriage
By paying their own dowry, women challenge traditional gender roles and promote a partnership-based approach to marriage rather than a hierarchical one.
- Personal agency
Paying their own dowries allows women to assert control over their marriage decisions and be active participants in the negotiation process.
- Preserving tradition on their own terms
Contributing to or covering the dowry themselves enables women to honour cultural customs while shaping how those traditions apply in their lives.
- Reducing family tensions
Direct involvement in the dowry process can sometimes ease pressure between families and create smoother negotiations.
Disadvantages
However, not everyone agrees with this trend. Social media influencer Lydia Wanjiru has cautioned that when women pay their own dowries, it can sometimes signal a lack of commitment from the man.
Taking to her official Instagram account on Wednesday, April 8, 2026, Wanjiru explained that, in her view, dowry is a sign that a man is ready to take responsibility and build a family.
She added that it also reflects effort and intention from the man’s side. According to her, removing that role changes the meaning of the process.
“But this is what most women have done. And those marriages definitely fail!” Lydia Wanjiru said.
“I hear you, because I also can’t. Dowry is one of the ways that shows a man is ready to provide & committed to becoming a family man.”
Redefining the norm
While still uncommon in some areas, paying one’s own dowry is gradually gaining acceptance, particularly among urban communities and younger generations.
Millennials and Gen Z are redefining marriage in Kenya, blending tradition with independence, financial empowerment, and personal choice.
Paying their own dowry is more than a financial decision; it’s a statement of self-worth, empowerment, and the right to shape one’s own future. As Kenya’s culture continues to evolve, this trend shows that love, independence, and tradition can coexist in meaningful ways.
