14 years later: Adelle Onyango reflects on life after losing her mother

Media personality Adelle Onyango has shared a personal reflection as she marks 14 years since the death of her mother, a loss that continues to shape her life.

In a series of heartfelt Instagram posts on Tuesday, March 31, 2026, Onyango opened up about grief, survival, and the ongoing journey of healing.

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Onyango recounts that when she first received the news of her mother’s passing on a Saturday morning in 2012, her body shut down, leaving her almost robotic.

“For the weeks leading up to her burial, I became stoic, almost robotic,” she wrote.

Yet, as life attempted to resume its normal pace, grief returned unexpectedly. Tears would appear in the most ordinary moments while driving, during a live radio show, or even when glimpsing the door to her mother’s room.

Onyango describes these tears as both “release and poison,” a physical manifestation of a pain that cuts deep.

Close calls and life lessons

Over the years, Onyango admits that grief came dangerously close to consuming her. There were moments when escaping into relationships or distractions felt like the only way to cope.

Yet each survival strengthened her resilience.

“We, grief and I, did this dance, this marathon, for years until I let two deaths happen,” she reflected, acknowledging that confronting loss head-on is a necessary, if painful, part of healing.

Onyango emphasises that accepting her mother’s death did not mean forgetting her. Instead, it allowed her to navigate life without constant resistance to reality.

“I realised that while I had refused to let mummy die, my refusal hadn’t changed the reality that she was gone. Instead, it had birthed a friction with life itself,” she wrote, noting that letting go eased the constant bruising she experienced from emotional struggle.

Letting go

There was a profound ease that came with finally allowing her mother’s death to exist without guilt. Onyango described it as flowing with life, letting it heal her, and feeling truly alive.

“I felt alive. Like there was more to me than the grieving daughter,” she shared. She also reflected on the misconception that surviving pain requires endless penance “You must feel the pain, yes, but you must also command the pain to leave, when it begins to corrupt your identity. Pain can be cleansing as a feeling but corrosive as a master,” she wrote.