‘Avoid these words’ – Ciru Muriuki lists what not to say to the bereaved
Ciru Muriuki has shared a direct message about the words people should not say to someone who is grieving.
On Thursday, November 13, 2025, she warned that some common phrases hurt more than help and asked listeners to stop repeating them.
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She began by saying, “A video with a comprehensive list would be 4 hours long. Please pay attention and stop saying these things. What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard someone say to a grieving person??”
Ciru set the tone for her message by explaining how hard it is to speak about this without getting emotional. She said, “Things never to say to a grieving person. I hope I can get through this list without getting triggered and punching my phone, okay?”
Then she went on to name the most common and damaging responses people give to the bereaved.
She listed the first and most common phrase and gave a strong reaction to it.
“Number 1, and most common, it is well. I will slap you because the one thing it is not is well. It is actually the opposite of well. Nyamaza, be quiet, say nothing.” Ciru told people that saying “it is well” dismisses pain and can make the grieving person feel unheard.
Stop with the quick comforts
Ciru continued with other phrases that sound like comfort but often do harm. “Number 2, they are in a better place. Oh my God, thank God, (sarcastically) thanks for that assurance. The place I’d rather for them to be is here, alive.”
She pointed out that this kind of comment can ignore the real loss and the person’s wish that their loved one were still alive.
“Number 3, they would not want you to be sad. Did they tell you that? How did you know? Did they come to you in a dream?” Ciru challenged the assumption that the bereaved must quickly move on. She also warned about the “motivational speakers” who rush to give lessons or silver linings at a time when people need space to grieve.
She asks people to stop with ready answers and to listen instead. Her list is a reminder that grief needs more respect, patience, and silence more than quick fixes or clichés.
