1. Realistic expectations
Setting high and unrealistic expectations is a dangerous move for your marriage. Many people tend to believe that marriage is a permanent state of happiness. Then they later on find out that the reality does not match with their fantasies. Happiness is not a state, but rather something that is thought out, planned, sought out and maintained through endeavour. Be supportive of each other’s goals, dreams and ambitions and you will enjoy your lives till death do you part.
2. Communicate clearly and often
A good marriage is sustained by the ability to communicate beyond just passing daily information. Talking with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your marriage healthy and successful. Be honest about what you are feeling, but be kind and respectful when communicating. Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you. Keep the lines of communication open by talking often, and not just about things like bills and the children. Also, share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse.
3. Conflict resolution capability
Every couple should possess the ability to handle conflict constructively. Due to the broad range of experiences before marriage and the multitude of personal ways of being and thinking, certain conflicts are unavoidable. Learn to disagree respectfully and find solutions together. A solution does not occur by believing that quarrels and disagreement will not occur, but it comes from knowing how to resolve such situations.
4. Appreciate your partner
Appreciate each other from the smallest of deeds to the greatest. Appreciate your relationship, family, and lives together. Show gratitude when your spouse does something nice such as when they cook dinner, help the children with their homework, or shopping. Taking a few minutes each evening to tell each other at least one thing you appreciated that day may help. Tell your spouse that you’re thankful for having them in your life.
5. Make time for each other
With work and family responsibilities, it can be easy to lose the romance factor in a marriage. Create time for each other by planning special dates, either to go out or just stay at home. If you have children, send them on a play day while you relax, talk, and enjoy each other’s company. Both parties need to devote time and dedication to cultivating love.
6. Ethical values
Religion and ethical values appear as highly important aspects in securing a couple’s stability. Married couples should align on core values, religious beliefs and life goals, work together toward common objectives and respect each other’s beliefs. When there is unity in these matters, the bond between them is deeply strengthened since their beliefs and convictions are aligned.
7. Create personal time
Couples should agree on how to spend their free time by engaging in activities they like and create meaningful experiences. Everyone needs time to recharge, think, and enjoy personal interests. That time is often lost when you’re married, especially if you have kids. Go out with friends, work out, or do volunteer work, whatever you find enriching. When you’re back together with your spouse, you’ll appreciate each other even more.
8. Agree on responsibilities
Responsibilities and role division in a married life is one of the stumbling blocks in the life of newlyweds. Therefore, this should be part of any marriage preparation schedule. Find a systematic way of doing different tasks and responsibilities for each couple and negotiating until both are satisfied with the outcome. This can be achieved by understanding each partner’s role in the marriage, maintaining a supportive love-based attitude and being flexible.
9. Agree to disagree
Couples should find balance in decision-making and be willing to give-and-take to reach a mutual agreement. You cannot agree on everything, but it is important to be fair and respectful during disagreements. Listen to your spouse’s point of view. Try not to get angry and don’t let yourself become too frustrated. Walk away and calm down if you need to, then discuss the problem again when you’re both in a better frame of mind. Compromise on problems, so that you both give and take a little.
10. Trust and forgiveness
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling poses a significant threat to a marriage’s success. The more couples engage in this harmful behaviour, the higher the risk of separation. Research shows that couples that have stayed long together, know how to disagree and argue without hostility and take responsibility for their actions. They also tend to respond quickly to each other’s needs, make amends after conflicts and repair the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes, and your spouse may hurt your feelings causing anger or even rage. However, it is crucial to address your emotions, let go of them and move forward. Remember to remain committed to your spouse, your family, and the life that you have built together. Dedicate time and effort to your relationship, support each other emotionally and in everyday ways.
