Hi Achokis. My wife of 15 years has been in a very good space for the past few months.
I find that we are able to talk over issues, but I keep on wondering when things will blow up. It is too good to be true.
I have heard of such cases where the woman is very nice and cordial only to find out that she was planning for an exit. Should I expect a tornado or is it too soon to say that we have matured?
Hi Mark. We are happy that you have been in a really good space and that things are peaceful. You fear that this may be a lull before a storm.
You are not believing that things can be this good in marriage. You need to be happy that things are this way. Enjoy this season in your marriage. The ability to talk and resolve your issues is a good thing for your marriage. Take the positive before looking at, and being fearful of what it might not be.
Previous patterns
It is unfortunate that we always expect the worst for our Marriages. When things are so good, we get suspicious. Remember it is your relationship, so never feel guilty when things are in a good space despite people saying it cannot happen.
It really can and should happen. What has specifically changed or improved in your relationship and what can you attribute this to?
Ask yourself, what is making you feel this is too good to be true? What has been the pattern in the past? Could this pattern be what is making you fearful that things will erupt soon? What can you do to break this pattern?
Could the things you have heard as you state, be making you this fearful and robbing you of the joy of this season? Now that things are good, why not talk about your fears to her. Who knows, she might just open up and tell you more.
Let her know your fears even as you express to her how you are enjoying this season of your arriage.
Any raised concerns?
On the other hand, sometimes the absence of fights does not necessarily mean that everything is okay. When two people get married they start off as friends, but when the honeymoon is over, they tend to get very busy trying to make a living and fail to work and grow the relationship. This business tends to choke the relationship and reduces it to a transactional one.
Could be she has come to a place where she gave up on trying or complaining about the relationship and decided to be happy rather than right.
Are you both active in making decisions or is it one sided? Has she brought up concerns in the past that were not attended to and as a result she has opted to be silent?
Has she complained about you perhaps being controlling? How does she feel about the marriage? The answer can be good, but what does “good” look like?
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches.
