Benjamin Zulu: Men behave faithfully because of the women they are with
Kenyan relationship coach Benjamin Zulu has weighed in on what influences men’s faithfulness in relationships, arguing that behaviour is often shaped by the dynamics within the relationship rather than character alone.
According to Zulu, some men do not remain faithful simply because they are naturally disciplined but because of the kind of partner they are with and the boundaries she sets in the relationship.
You might also like
“Sometimes men do not behave faithful because they are naturally faithful,” Zulu said.
“They behave faithfully because the woman they are with does not entertain jokes.”
He explained that in some cases, men require reinforcement and clear consequences in order to remain committed, noting that even a “good man” still needs structure and accountability within a relationship.
“It’s part of the motivation; he is a good man, but you also need reinforcement,” he explained.
Zulu further argued that men tend to evaluate consequences before making decisions, suggesting that awareness of losing a partner can influence behaviour.
“Men are calculators; they calculate consequences. If he knows it is a real danger of losing his wife, he cannot risk such a disaster. That woman cannot stand jokes and cheating; he would not even give it thought,” Zulu said.
He contrasted this with relationships where boundaries are unclear, saying that a lack of strict consequences can sometimes lead to carelessness.
“But if she keeps telling him, ‘Divorce is not an option; we are here to stay. Everything can be discussed; everything can be resolve,” he added.
“He won’t be careful.”
Zulu on why men marry twice
According to Zulu, some men first enter marriage socially by holding weddings, signing marriage certificates, and publicly committing to one woman but later struggle to fully commit mentally and emotionally to monogamy.
Speaking about modern relationships, on Wednesday, May 20, 2026, Zulu argued that while many men may officially settle down, internally they may still be attached to the lifestyle they lived while dating multiple women before marriage.
“Men get married twice; they first get married socially, and then later they get married psychologically. Many times they marry and sign the certificate; they have a woman, and they will say all the promises, but internally they have not shut doors,” Zulu said.
“They have not clocked in and locked into monogamy only.”
Zulu explained that many men spend years talking to different women while searching for a partner and can become addicted to the excitement, attention, and validation that comes with flirting and pursuing multiple relationships.
According to him, some men walk into marriage without fully shutting emotional doors from their single life. While they may publicly commit to one partner, some still entertain emotional connections, unfinished conversations, or attention from other women.
He argued that many men struggle to completely transition from bachelorhood into committed monogamy because they are still emotionally attached to the freedom and excitement they experienced before marriage.
