Please help! Will I be betraying my late husband’s family if I move on?
By K24 Editorial, May 20, 2024Moving on after the death of a spouse is never easy, more so for a young woman like you. It somehow seems easier for guys, maybe because society expects them to move on— after all, who will take care of him and the children? But when it is a widow, there’s an expectation she should remain put. After all, the husband’s family believes ‘those children belong to “us’ ‘ and we’ll take care of you and the children.’
Death did you part
Moving on looks like a betrayal and that’s what you are struggling with. What we fail to realise is that marriage is “till death does us part ‘’. After the death of a spouse, one is free to move on, however after properly grieving the loss. Our concern, therefore, would be if you have properly grieved the loss of your husband?
Concerning your confusion, what if you took time to talk to your in-laws? You can approach the one you are closest to or have relational capital with. Let them know where you are at and what you are thinking about your future. Start by giving them hints here and there and look out for their reaction. You can even ask hypothetically, “what if I moved on, how would you guys feel?” Their reaction to this question will help you gauge where they are at. If you sense they are not ready, then give them some time even as you seek to understand where they are still stuck.
Face your in-laws
Meanwhile, allow yourself to explore this relationship with your colleague. Be true to yourself and if you feel you are not ready yet, slow down. If on the other hand you feel ready, then approach your in-laws. Start by thanking them for the way they have been so nice to you even as you express your desire to move on. Invite them to raise any questions or objections and address any concerns they may have. Assure them that the children will always be connected to them even if you move on as that could be one of their fears.
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches
barnieachoki@gmail.com