Benjamin Zulu explains why persistent men are not always in love
By William Muthama, February 9, 2026Relationship coach Benjamin Zulu has challenged the long-held belief that persistence in pursuit equals seriousness, arguing that men who continue chasing despite repeated rejection are often driven by obsession, not love.
Speaking in an Instagram video on Monday, February 9, 2026, Zulu said genuine attraction is mutual and responsive. According to him, love naturally looks for willingness on both sides, not resistance.
“A man who truly wants you also wants to feel wanted back,” he explained, adding that constant pursuit in the face of rejection ignores the emotional reality of the other person.
Zulu warned that many people, especially women, are socialised to believe that the most persistent man is the most committed.
He dismissed this as a dangerous myth. In his view, real love is emotionally sensitive and recognises boundaries. When interest is not returned, love does not escalate pressure; it steps back.
Love vs obsession
He drew a clear line between love and obsession. While love acknowledges the other person’s autonomy, obsession reduces them to an object of desire.
“Obsessed people don’t see you as a person,” Zulu said. “They see you as a solution to their fantasy.” This, he noted, is why obsessive pursuit often comes with emotional manipulation, including dramatic statements meant to induce guilt or fear.
Zulu explained that when someone claims they cannot live without another person, they are placing an unhealthy burden on them. Such language strips the other person of their humanity and turns them into a perceived source of survival rather than an equal partner.
The relationship coach emphasised that consent and emotional reciprocity are central to healthy love. He stresses that love cannot thrive where there is continuous rejection, and persistence that ignores a clear ‘no’ is not romantic; it is intrusive
Zulu urged people to unlearn narratives that glorify chasing and endurance in relationships. Instead, he encouraged emotional maturity, self-worth, and the ability to accept rejection without resentment.