Benjamin Zulu explains why men treat side chicks better than wives
By Valerian Khakayi, May 19, 2026Renowned life coach and author Benjamin Zulu has explained why some married men appear more loving, attentive and playful with side chicks than with their wives, saying many men separate romance from responsibility.
Zulu, in a video shared on Tuesday, May 19, 2026, said that a side-chick relationship often carries fewer expectations compared to marriage. In such relationships, the man is mainly expected to be a lover, charming, funny and exciting.
According to him, there are no bills to pay together, no pressure to lead a family, and no expectations to solve daily problems or carry emotional responsibilities.
“He shows his best where there are no bills, no pressure, no accountability, no expectations to be mature, and no pressure to grow, to heal or to be gentle,” Zulu explained.
He noted that in many cases, the man only appears in the side relationship for short periods, making it easier for him to maintain an attractive image without dealing with the realities of everyday life.
“There he is trying to be funny because there are no expectations, very few expectations. Remember also he is appearing there for short periods of time, and that is not where he is supposed to be a man; he is supposed to be only a lover,” he noted.
However, marriage demands much more from a man. Zulu says a husband is expected to be reliable, emotionally available, consistent, capable and responsible. Beyond being romantic, he is also expected to lead, provide, listen and show empathy.
“For the sidechick relationship he is a lover, but where the marriage is concerned he is a husband , leader, provider, capable, listener, empathetic, and consistent, and over there he is mischievous. Here he is supposed to be mischievous but also serious, reliable, and needed; he can be funny, but reliability is what is needed at home,” Zulu added.
Zulu further argued that some men struggle to combine these two sides of themselves in one relationship. Instead of building a complete and honest life with their wives, they divide their personalities, becoming responsible husbands in one place and carefree lovers in another.
“Sometimes men are splitting these two because they cannot be sincere enough to build a complete life with the woman they swore to first,” he said.
He further claimed that the first person such a man deceives is himself.
Zulu added that even the side chick may eventually realise the man cannot be trusted because the relationship itself is built on deception.
“The first person the man is cheating on is not the wife; it is himself. He splits his own philosophy to allow lying like a normal thing, and even the side chick knows she cannot trust him to tell the truth and he is already lying to be with her, he lies to live and do things,” Zulu said.