How to navigate your partner’s close friendship with an ex
By Dan Kauna, September 24, 2026Discovering that your partner maintains a close relationship with an ex can easily trigger feelings of unease or jealousy. In modern dating, staying in touch with former partners is increasingly common, but it can still create friction in a new relationship.
While your immediate impulse might be to demand an end to the friendship, ultimatums often create resentment and damage trust.
Handling this effectively requires a calm and rational approach focused on honest communication and clear boundaries.
Identify the root of your discomfort first
Before raising the issue with your partner, take time to reflect on why the situation makes you uncomfortable. Consider whether your uneasiness stems from personal insecurities, unresolved issues from past relationships, or specific behaviours you have observed between your partner and their ex.
Distinguishing between general jealousy and valid relational concerns helps you communicate with clarity.
Research highlights why understanding the intent behind these connections matters. A 2017 study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that “staying friends due to unresolved romantic desires resulted in negative outcomes, whereas staying friends due to security and practical reasons resulted in more positive outcomes”.
If your partner’s friendship is based on long-standing platonic trust or shared social circles, the goal is not to sever the bond. Instead, the focus should be on ensuring that the friendship does not compromise the security of your current relationship.
Establish boundaries through dialogue
Choose a quiet moment to speak with your partner when neither of you is stressed or distracted. Frame the discussion around your feelings and needs rather than making accusations or assigning blame.
Use simple, direct language to explain which specific actions cause discomfort, such as late-night messaging, private meetings, or oversharing personal details.
Expressing your concerns without issuing demands demonstrates emotional maturity and respect for your partner’s independence.
Explain how certain habits affect your peace of mind, and invite them to share their perspective. This opens the door for your partner to offer reassurance and adjust their behaviour voluntarily.
Observe how your partner responds to your honesty. A supportive partner will validate your feelings and work with you to establish reasonable limits.
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, and setting thoughtful boundaries allows both partners to feel secure while respecting past friendships.