How to handle threats from lover who secretly recorded your intimate moments
By Ascah Mwango, December 6, 2025In a world where our lives are increasingly digital, privacy feels more fragile than ever. What happens when someone you trust, a boyfriend, lover, or partner, secretly records your private moments and threatens to share them? This is not just betrayal; it is abuse.
It is a violation of your personal boundaries, your dignity, and your sense of safety. When someone close to you uses moments of intimacy against you, it can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down.
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The fear, anxiety, and stress that follow can affect every aspect of your life, from your relationships to your ability to trust others.
As we mark the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, it is time to shine a light on this hidden form of violence and talk about what you can do to protect yourself, reclaim control, and refuse to be silenced by fear.
Understanding the abuse
Non-consensual recordings are a form of gender-based violence. They are used to intimidate, manipulate, and control victims. The person threatening you is using fear as a weapon, making you feel powerless and isolated.
This kind of abuse can have long-lasting effects on mental health, including anxiety, depression, and difficulties forming future relationships.
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It is not just the act of recording that is harmful; it is the constant pressure, the threats, and the emotional manipulation that follow.
Victims often report feeling shame, confusion, and betrayal, wondering how someone they loved could exploit their trust in such a way.
Understanding that this is abuse and not a reflection of your character is the first step toward taking back your power and reclaiming your sense of safety.
Your legal rights
Kenya’s Computer Misuse and Cybercrimes Act, 2018, makes it illegal to record or share intimate content without consent. Offenders can face fines, imprisonment, or both, depending on the severity of the offence. The law recognises the serious impact such abuse can have on a person’s life and seeks to protect victims.
The Constitution of Kenya also guarantees your right to privacy, providing strong legal protection. Knowing your rights gives you the confidence to take action. Awareness of the law empowers you to navigate the situation strategically and avoid being intimidated. It also ensures that you understand the remedies available, including civil action, restraining orders, and injunctions to prevent the release of private material.
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Take action immediately
Start by securing evidence. Save all messages, chats, screenshots, or threats from the person. Record dates, times, and any digital traces. If possible, make backup copies of these materials safely. Evidence will be critical if you decide to report the abuse or pursue legal action. Collecting it carefully also protects you from claims of fabrication or misrepresentation by the abuser.
Next, report the matter to the authorities without delay. File a complaint at your local police station and request to speak to officers trained in cybercrime. These officers are often more familiar with digital evidence and can guide you through the next steps.
Keep a copy of your official report for reference, including any case numbers or documents provided. Reporting the abuse is not only about seeking justice; it also creates a legal record that the offender is engaging in criminal activity, which can prevent further harassment or threats.
Consult a lawyer experienced in digital privacy or cybercrime cases. Legal guidance can help you secure court orders to prevent the release of videos and advise on civil remedies for damages or emotional harm.
A lawyer can also help you navigate the legal process without feeling overwhelmed and ensure that your rights are fully protected throughout the case. They can advise on restraining orders, injunctions, and other legal tools that provide immediate relief and long-term security. Knowing that you have professional guidance can reduce anxiety and give you a clear plan of action.
Protect your emotional and digital space
Reach out to trusted friends, family, or counsellors for support. Facing abuse alone can be isolating and overwhelming. Emotional support is just as important as legal action. Talking to someone you trust can help you process your feelings, reduce stress, and regain confidence.
At the same time, protect your devices, social media accounts, and cloud storage by changing passwords and limiting access. Avoid negotiating with the abuser, as paying or complying often gives them more power and prolongs the abuse. Protecting your digital space is part of reclaiming control over your life and ensuring your personal information cannot be further exploited.
Reclaiming your power
Digital abuse is a modern form of GBV, and it can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. By taking action, reporting threats, and seeking help, you regain control over your life and refuse to be silenced.
You send a clear message that abuse of any kind, physical, emotional, or digital, is unacceptable. During this year’s 16 Days of Activism Against GBV, let us speak up about all forms of abuse and remind everyone that privacy is a right, not a privilege. Standing up against digital abuse is not only about protecting yourself; it is also about supporting others who may be suffering in silence and contributing to a culture where abuse is exposed and accountability is demanded.