What will you do if you caught your parent cheating?

Kugonga, kugongewa and kugongeana have been the most used Swahili words when Kenyans want to talk about cheating.

You may think you are in a new land if you accidentally meet a group of people talking about experiences of cheating on their partners or their partners cheating on them.

The way they narrate it, even a radio with no battery cannot speak that fluently.

That aside, there is one question that has never been settled. What will you do if you catch your parent cheating?

It sounds simple when said quickly, yet the moment it happens, the ground shifts. This is not gossip about neighbours. This is not a story you heard in a matatu. This is your parent.

The same person who raised you, paid school fees, shouted at you, protected you and probably taught you right from wrong. Suddenly, you are holding a truth that can break a home.

One side of the debate says speak out. Report the matter to the other parent. In many homes, honesty is seen as respect. Keeping quiet is viewed as betrayal.

Those who support this view argue that parents are adults and deserve the truth. They believe that once the issue is brought to light, the couple can sit down, talk and possibly fix what is broken. Silence, they argue, only allows cheating to grow roots.

Others go a step further and say if you cannot face the affected parent directly, involve elders or close relatives.

In African settings, family matters are rarely solved in isolation. An aunt, an uncle or a grandparent can mediate.

This side believes early intervention can save a marriage before things get worse.

But then comes the other side, the one that keeps many awake at night.

What if reporting leads to divorce. What if the home breaks completely. What if you are forced to choose who to live with. What if siblings are scattered. What if blame quietly shifts to you, the messenger.

Many children fear becoming the reason a family collapsed, even when they only told the truth.

There is also the emotional weight. Seeing your parents argue because of information you revealed can be traumatising.

Some people carry guilt for years, asking themselves whether things would have been different if they had kept quiet a little longer. Then there is silence.

Keeping quiet feels safer. Life continues as usual. School fees still come. Supper is still cooked. Family gatherings still happen.

From the outside, everything looks normal. This option protects peace, at least on the surface.

However, silence has its own dangers. Cheating rarely stops on its own. There is the risk of unwanted pregnancies that suddenly appear with complicated explanations.

There is the risk of diseases quietly entering the home. There is the slow emotional withdrawal that children notice even when no one talks about it. Silence can protect the home today but poison it tomorrow.

Some choose a middle path. They talk to the cheating parent privately. No accusations, no shouting. Just a conversation.

A reminder that their actions affect more than just them. Sometimes, this works. Sometimes, it does not.

In the end, there is no perfect answer. Every home is different. Every parent is different.

Every child carries a different emotional capacity. What looks brave to one person may feel destructive to another.

Perhaps the hardest truth is this. Catching a parent cheating forces a child into an adult problem without adult tools.

Whatever choice is made, something is lost. Peace, innocence, trust or stability.

And maybe that is why this question has never been settled. Because sometimes, there is no right or wrong. Only consequences, lived quietly long after the secret is exposed or buried.