Benjamin Zulu explains why men marry twice
By Valerian Khakayi, May 21, 2026Kenyan relationship coach Benjamin Zulu has shared his views on why many men appear to marry twice, emotionally and psychologically.
According to Zulu, some men first enter marriage socially by holding weddings, signing marriage certificates, and publicly committing to one woman but later struggle to fully commit mentally and emotionally to monogamy.
Speaking about modern relationships, on Wednesday, May 20, 2026, Zulu argued that while many men may officially settle down, internally they may still be attached to the lifestyle they lived while dating multiple women before marriage.
“Men get married twice; they first get married socially, and then later they get married psychologically. Many times they marry and sign the certificate; they have a woman, and they will say all the promises, but internally they have not shut doors,” Zulu said.
“They have not clocked in and locked into monogamy only.”
Zulu explained that many men spend years talking to different women while searching for a partner and can become addicted to the excitement, attention, and validation that comes with flirting and pursuing multiple relationships.
According to him, some men walk into marriage without fully shutting emotional doors from their single life. While they may publicly commit to one partner, some still entertain emotional connections, unfinished conversations, or attention from other women.
He argued that many men struggle to completely transition from bachelorhood into committed monogamy because they are still emotionally attached to the freedom and excitement they experienced before marriage.
“During dating, men talk to many women, and they can get addicted to that dopamine of different women of flirting because they are searching. And when they get married, some of the taps opened are still playing music, some of the requests they had sent are still being considered, and he does not know how to say, ‘Sorry, I have committed elsewhere’,” he added.
Why the first years of marriage become difficult
Zulu further noted that the early years of marriage can sometimes become risky, especially if a man has not fully adjusted mentally to married life.
According to him, some men begin to experience greater financial success, stability, or confidence after marriage, attracting even more attention from other women compared to when they were single.
“The first few years of marriage are very risky because of what the man has opened. Also, he starts to be successful when he gets married, and he is shining better than when he was as a bachelor,” Zulu stated.
Danger of emotional dividedness
Zulu also pointed out that many marriages suffer when a man invests more emotional energy, attention, or resources into another woman while neglecting his wife.
He argued that no emotionally mature woman would comfortably remain in a marriage where she feels disrespected, neglected, or forced to compete with a side relationship.
“But no sensible high-value woman will stay in a marriage where a man is treating a side woman better than her. “Never,” he pointed out.