How to support someone living with endometriosis

For many people, period pain is something they expect to endure for a few days before getting on with life. But for someone living with endometriosis, the pain can be a completely different beast. It can interfere with work, relationships, sex, sleep, movement and even the simplest household tasks.

The condition has become a major national conversation in Kenya following the recent health struggles of media personality Natalie Githinji. Githinji, who has spoken publicly about her battle with endometriosis for years, recently revealed that she was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis after undergoing surgery. She also spent time in the ICU and described the fear and emotional exhaustion that came with the experience.

Her story has reminded Kenyans of something that is often forgotten when discussing chronic illness: the person going through it needs more than medicine. They need people around them who understand that some days are simply bad days, and that telling them to “be strong” is not always the help they need.

The World Health Organisation estimates that endometriosis affects about 10 per cent, or 190 million, women and girls of reproductive age globally. It can cause severe menstrual pain, chronic pelvic pain, heavy bleeding, bloating, nausea, fatigue, pain during sex, bowel or bladder problems and difficulties becoming pregnant.

So, how can you actually care for someone living with it?

Believe her when she says she is in pain

This sounds obvious, but it is probably one of the most important things you can do.

Do not assume she is exaggerating because she looks fine. Endometriosis is often an invisible illness, meaning someone can be smiling, chatting and answering WhatsApp messages while quietly dealing with terrible pain.

For years, painful periods have been dismissed with the familiar “every woman goes through it” argument. But severe pain that interferes with ordinary life should not simply be brushed aside. WHO says the normalisation and stigmatisation of endometriosis-related pain can negatively affect the wellbeing of those living with the condition.

If your sister, partner, friend or daughter tells you she cannot get out of bed, believe her. You do not need to personally understand the pain before taking it seriously.

Sometimes the most useful sentence is simply, “I believe you. What do you need?”

Learn about the condition instead of making her teach you everything

If someone you love has endometriosis, take some time to understand what they are dealing with.

Learn what the condition means, what their symptoms look like and what treatment they are receiving. Endometriosis does not affect everyone in exactly the same way, so avoid becoming the family WhatsApp doctor after reading three posts online.

Some people experience severe period pain while others have pain throughout the month. Some deal with fatigue, painful bowel movements or urination, painful sex or fertility problems. Others may experience several of these symptoms at once.

Understanding the condition also makes it easier to recognise when your loved one needs practical help.

Maybe she needs someone to drive her to hospital. Maybe she needs you to pick up medication. Perhaps she simply needs to cancel dinner without being made to feel guilty.

Those small acts can mean a lot.

Help with ordinary things when the pain takes over

One of the cruellest things about chronic pain is that ordinary responsibilities do not disappear just because someone is hurting.

There are still dishes in the sink. There is still food to cook. Children still need attention. Work messages continue arriving with their usual enthusiasm. The laundry, unfortunately, does not care about anyone’s pelvic pain.

This is where loved ones can make a genuine difference.

Cook something. Clean the house. Take care of the children. Run an errand. Accompany her to an appointment. If she is having a particularly bad flare, ask what you can take off her plate.

Natalie has previously spoken about experiencing episodes so painful that she needed assistance with basic activities such as washing, with her mother stepping in to care for her.

That is what support can look like. It is not always dramatic. Sometimes it is simply making sure someone does not have to struggle with everything while they are already struggling to stand.

Be patient about intimacy, relationships and mood

Endometriosis can affect relationships in ways that people rarely discuss.

Pain during or after sex is one of the recognised symptoms of the condition, and the emotional burden of living with chronic pain can also affect mental health.

A partner should therefore understand that rejection of sex is not necessarily rejection of the relationship.

There may be days when she wants affection but cannot tolerate intercourse. There may be days when she wants to be left alone. There may also be days when she is exhausted, frustrated or simply tired of talking about hospitals, medication and symptoms.

Natalie has previously spoken about how endometriosis affected her relationships and how some partners struggled to understand what she was experiencing.

Love during chronic illness requires patience. It means asking rather than assuming, listening rather than becoming defensive and understanding that intimacy can take many forms.

A hug, a cup of tea and sitting quietly together can sometimes be more romantic than any grand gesture.

Support her treatment without trying to control it

Endometriosis treatment is not a one-size-fits-all affair.

There is currently no definitive cure, but treatments can help manage symptoms. Depending on the individual, doctors may recommend pain medication, hormonal treatment, surgery or other forms of support. Treatment decisions can depend on symptoms, severity, side effects, cost, availability and whether someone wants to become pregnant.

That means loved ones should resist the temptation to become commanders-in-chief of someone else’s healthcare.

You can encourage her to attend appointments, help keep track of medication, accompany her to hospital and support her emotionally, but the medical decisions should be made with qualified healthcare professionals.

It is also important to recognise the financial burden. Githinji recently highlighted the cost of laparoscopic endometriosis surgery in Kenya, saying it can range from about Ksh350,000 to more than Ksh1.5 million depending on the severity of the disease and the facility.

For families, that can turn an already painful illness into a financial crisis.

Supporting someone therefore may also mean helping with transport, hospital visits, fundraising or simply being present when the bills become overwhelming.

Endometriosis affects more than the person diagnosed

Natalie Githinji’s recent experience has put a human face on a condition that many people still misunderstand. Her story has also helped push the conversation beyond period pain and towards questions about diagnosis, specialist care, treatment costs and support for women living with severe disease.

But the conversation should not end when the headlines disappear.

For families and friends, caring for someone with endometriosis starts with something surprisingly simple: believe her.

Do not make her prove that she is hurting. Do not treat her bad days as laziness. Do not turn every conversation into advice. Learn about the condition, help with practical things, respect her boundaries and stay beside her when treatment becomes exhausting.

Sometimes caring for someone with a chronic illness is not about finding the perfect words or fixing the problem. Sometimes it is about sitting beside them on the difficult days and quietly saying, “You do not have to go through this alone.”

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